W3 Superstars

[todd]

W3 SUPERSTARS

The show kicks off with Johnny Satan and Suzy Succubus conducting a creepy initiation ceremony for Lil Torquemada with all he bells and whistles including a giant goat’s head and pentagram. At the conclusion of the ceremony Johnny Satan tells Torquemada he must find a victim by the end of tonight’s show and perform a blood sacrifice in his new boss's honor.
Torquemada return at the end of the show with his new found victim former W3 owner now janitor Chief Jay Woodpecker someone who Johnny Satan truly despises. The Devil’s Triangle (Satan, Succubus, and Torquemada) proceed to tie the Chief to the ring post when Jay Woodpecker's old tag team partner Buddy Hotpants jumps up from his position at the announce table and runs in to make the save but gets beaten down pretty quick. The show ends with Torquemada about to impale the old Chief with Satan’s favorite pick fork ( Betsy Sue) when ALX runs in and cleans house.

OTHER STUFF

- Tonight's opening match between Sheik Yerbouti and Shiitake Jr. was originally scheduled as dark match for Brain Freeze until the Sheik stayed out too late the night before and called in sick. The match starts out with decent back and forth action but after Shiitake Jr’s second near fall (fungus face plant) it becomes apparent that something isn’t quite right here. Sheik Yerbouti kicks out of three more pin attempts and each time Shiitake Jr. takes referee Millie Swimsuit aside to have a talk. The match ends in a time limit draw at the 20 minute mark. This is the first time I’ve ever seen this happen in a opening match to be honest. There’s more activity following the match when general manager Dicky Cravatte comes down to the ring waving his arms, yells something in the Sheik’s face, and then awards the match to Shiitake Jr. Not sure what just happened here but it’s bound to create some online buzz tomorrow morning.
Winner Shiitake Jr. via Dusty finish in 20:00 **1/2

- Pillchard Phineas Phatback’s newest recruit from Myrtle Creek Oregon makes his W3 debut against everyone’s favorite punching bag Severe Wu Ping. The match is quick of course with Pillchard getting the squash with a PUGBUSTER. The only thing impressive about this match was the fact Wu Ping actually lasted more than 2 minutes a personal best for him.
Winner - Pillchard via PUGBUSTER in 3:12 DUD

- General Manager Dicky Cravatte announces the name of this month's pay per view THREE'S A CROWD

- Smoothupinya officially kicks off the Diva Challenge with team Cookiepuss leader Kween Squatifah Cookiepuss squaring off against Team Sayanora’s Rhinestone Cowgirl. Cookiepuss barley gets in a few punches and stomps before Rhinestone Cowgirl delivers a stampede shoulder block that knocks Cookiepuss clear out of the ring making her the match by count out.
- Afterwards Rhinestone Cowgirl’s team mates ( Haikyu Sayonara, Wild Thang, and Gumslinger) come down to the ring to celebrate the big win while Cookiepuss and her team ( Eager Beaver, Beulah Gorillacutty, and Fifi Cheveaux Aissle) storm the ring. All eight women end up brawling inside the ring with Smoothupinya getting caught in the middle. Good introduction here for the Diva Challenge with all eight women involved
WINNER - Rhinestone Cowgirl Via stampede shoulder block in 2:30 *1/2

- Doctor Mutato is shown in his laboratory shooting electricity through Frankenpuss ( strapped down to an exam table) and tells us that Frankenpuss is invoking his rematch clause at this month’s pay per view Three’s A Crowd. I pretty much expected a rematch between Flex Manley and Frankenpuss this month but I’m not sure when the W3 decided that rematch clauses should cover people who didn’t originally hold a title. Seems to me they could have come up with someone better than this

- First time video footage from Brain Freeze is shown with Mona Mammeries chasing Thunderball backstage trying to get her belt back. Mammeris and Thunderball brawl in the hall way when The Goddess Of Wrestling Artemis Jubblies comes out beating down both ladies and walks away with the W3 Ladies Title Belt.

- After the video is shown Artemis Jubblies cuts a promo in the ring about being the rightful W3 ladies champion which leads to a confrontation between Jubblies, Thunderball, and Champion Mona Mammeries. Somehow this turns in to a triple threat match with Artemis and Thunderall both being disqualified for brawling outside the ring. This wasn’t announced as match and it just sort of turned in to one without any notice. I’m guessing Mona was the winner because referee Millie Swimsuit gave Mona her belt back at the end of the match. I’m not even sure if this was a non title or title match. This one was a real head scratcher.
Mona Mammeries def Artemis Jubblies and Thunderball by DQ in 6:11 **

Quick Results
Shiitake Jr. def Sheik Yerbouti via Dusty finish **1/2
Pillchard def Severe Wu Ping DUD
Rhinestone Cowgirl def Kween*1/2
Mona Mammeries def Thunderball and Artemis Jubblies ( Triple Threat Match) ** ?

[WTIC]

Cool fight card! Lots of fun action for sure!

I wish I could come up with an easy system for rating the matches. I do think the Quick results is a very good idea!

[Kelly Monro]

Good card, and how can anyone dislike Mona? And it was cool to see Abe's grand entrance!

[todd]

I have seen a few systems for rating matches but I like doing it myself better.

[todd]

W3 SUPERSTARS

Phineas Phatback and Dicky Cravatte open the show with the announcement of a new W3 title called the Beta Max Championship. 3 qualifying matches are going to be held over the next few weeks with the winners squaring off for the title at this month’s pay per view Three’s A Crowd. I thought this was pretty cool until Phatback showed everyone the new belt featuring a big spinning B. I wonder who came up that idea yuck.

- Tonight’s main event is a continuation of the bad blood from last weeks show. Buddy Hotpants with his old tag team partner Chief Jay Woodpecker in his corner takes on Lil Torquemada with Suzy Succubus. This isn’t much of a contest with Hotpants pounding Torquemada from pillar to post and winning with a double Manhattan in under three minutes.

OTHER STUFF

-The crowd gives it up for the Mechanical Mennonite Amish Robot as he makes his way to the ring passing out copies of his new DVD My Legendary Journey From Rumspringa To The W3. Amish Robot stops to exchange high fives with some kids before stepping in the ring to face Mini Moto The Piggyback Ninjas in the first of three Beta Max Title Qualifying matches. Amish Robot manages some bigger moves like a sunrise pancake and fallback piledriver before tapping out to a corner boot choke of all things. Amish Robot is a real big hit with the younger and older fans of The W3 and Phatback likes having him around for that reason but he’s really sort of a wimp. Tapping out to a boot choke ? give me a break even Severe Wu Ping has more heart than that.
Winner Mini Moto via corner boot choke in *½

- Next up wet get our first look at Wild Thang (Team Sayanora) and Beulah Gorillacutty( Team Cookiepuss) in a Diva Challenge Match. As long as you could ignore the fact this was a evening gown match it wasn’t too bad. Goriilacutty and Wild Thang seemed pretty evenly matched throughout the match with Gorillacutty getting two near falls with GORILLA MY DREAMS and a second rope dropkick and Wild Thang one near fall with a drop to knee chin buster. The match ended in a double disqualification outside the ring at the mark
Wild Thang - Beulah Gorillacutty double dq

- Sheik Yerbouti comes out the ring and makes a statement about the confusion during last week’s match against Shiitake Jr. Sheik Yerbouti says that there’s no way he was going to job to a second generation wrestler who fancies himself after something grown in shit and he doesn’t care what the W3 has to say about it.
Dicky Cravatte along with Shiitake Jr. interrupt Sheik Yerbouti in the middle of his rant as the knuckleheads ( Phatback’s security team) quietly surround the ring. Cravatte wishes the Sheik luck in for tonight’s two vs. one handicap lumberjack match and before The Sheik knows what’s going on Cravatte and Shiitake Jr. are on top of him. Sheik Yerbouti gets beaten around the ring but manages to make a narrow escape when he’s tossed from the ring and eye pokes knucklehead Larry. Next the Sheik picks up a ringside microphone, calls Dicky Cravatte a coward, and challenges him to a match on next week‘s show. Dicky accepts the challenge and tells Sheik Yerbouti that it will be a tag team match between Cravatte and Shiitake Jr. and The Sheik with any partner of his choosing. What Sheik Yerbouti lacks in wrestling skill he more than makes up in moxy and you really have to admire a guy like that.


- The song Alley OOP hit’s as MITB winner OOG makes his way to the ring to square off against The Ghetto Blasta Busta Capp. Busta Capp went right after OOG with brawling tactics but wasn’t able to put a dent in the 300lb plus giant. At one point in the match Busta Capp took OOG by surprise with a sunset flip into a painful crotch punch. The move angered OOG so much when he applied his Achilles tendon lock and bite he refused to release the hold until long after Busta Capp had tapped out.
Winner OOG via Achilles tendon lock and bite in **¼

- Undercover Alien introduces new products available on the W3 online store a John L Skeleton operation board game and a new DVD called In search of The Oak Ridge Monster the legend of Oompapa Mao Mao. Afterwards he interviews Ultimate Champion Flex Manley and W3 Ladies Champion Mona Mammeries regarding their title defenses at the upcoming pay per view Three’s A Crowd. After questioning the W3’s hokey rematch clause policies Manly announces that he’ll be facing Frankenpuss in a 2/3 falls match and Mona will be defending her title against Thunderball and Artemis Jubblies in a triple threat match.

- Meeting for the first time since the MITB match at Brain Freeze Johnny Gizmo and Octopus Johnson put on a really good match. Despite Johnson getting the unfair advantage with a ink spray blast to the eyes Gizmo delivers a perfectly executed Mogwai placha and gets the win by submission with a gremlin grasp.
Winner - Johnny Gizmo via Gremlin Grasp in 8:55 ***

Quick Results
Mini Moto def Amish Robot ( Beta Max qualifying match)
Wild Thang - Beulah Gorillacutty double disqualification
OOG def Busta Capp **¼
Johnny Gizmo def Octopus Johnson ***
Buddy Hotpants def Lil Torquemada *

[WTIC]

Amish Robot needs reprogramming! OOG is so cool! Buddy is a top-notch dude!

[Kelly Monro]

This fed is continuing with excellent storylines and surprises!

[todd]

W3 SUPERSTARS

The show opens with Octopus Johnson standing in the ring ready for his next challenger in the Octopus Hold Challenge. Johnson boasts that 25 people have come forward and failed to break his hold so far which is funny because last time I checked I think it was more like three but I guess nobody is keeping an accurate count including Johnson. Several moments later a buff looking old lady steps inside the ring. It takes a few moments for the crowd to recognize the woman but when they realize that it’s none other than Gamma Granny the whole arena is on it’s feet. Octopus Johnson looks a little apprehensive but has no choice but to accept the challenge. It doesn’t look good for Granny at first but she reaches deep down and summons every ounce of strength to slowly power out of the hold. Johnson goes after Granny but gets a big Granny punch and an Alabama slam for his troubles. The segment ends with Granny posing for the crowd

Winner Gamma Granny via Intestinal Fortitude in 2:47 ****
I thought this opening segment was the best I’ve seen so far. The return of the grizzled old boot was unexpected and went over incredibly well with the crowd. I don’t usually give ratings to opening segments but I’ll make an exception this time

- The main event tonight was a good match cup between the Ultimate title number one contender Frankenpuss and the MITB winner OOG. These two put on a brutal match with lots of action outside inside and outside the ring. OOG had pin attempts with a choke slam and PREHISTORIC PLUNGE before Frankenpuss delivered an pump handle over the shoulder bomb and hit THE FRANKENHAMMER( Inverted Leg Drop ) for the win.
Winner Frankenpuss via FRANKENHAMMER in 9:00 ***

Other Stuff

- Kicking off the action on tonight’s show is a Diva Challenge Tag Team Match with Eager Beaver and Fifi ( team Cookiepuss) taking on Haiku Sayanora and Gumslinger from Team Sayanora. Gumslinger and Sayanora work over Eager Beaver pretty good operating like a well oiled machine, tagging in and out several times, and rack up three pin attempts in the first two minutes of the match. Eager Beaver makes a desperate diving tag to Fifi who doesn’t hold up much better than Beaver at first but then comes out of nowhere with a flying cross body block on Gumslinger for the win.
Winners Eager Beaver and Fifi Cheveux d' Aisselle ( Team Cookiepuss) via Flying Cross Body Block in 5:12 **
It’s good to finally see some tag team matches in the W3 but Eager Beaver really needs to be sent down to the minors in my opinion.

- After the match Diva Challenge host Smoothupinya escorted by Hoe one and two makes a few announcements about the Diva Challenge. The winning team of the Diva challenge will be the first team to reach a total of ten points. Normal matches will be worth one point. Pay per view and specialty matches will be worth three points. Smoothtupinya finishes up by announcing a 3 VS 3 tag team diva challenge elimination match at Three’s a Crowd.

- In what should have been battle of two giants turns out to be real snoozer. Oak Ridge Monster does very little besides take a beating at the hands of Thundermug. Instead of taking the chance to easily cover The Oak Ridge Monster for a three count following a Viking spike Thundermug delivers a MUGSHOT and draws the disqualification
Winner Oak Ride Monster by disqualification in 5:49 *
I don’t what’s worse the fact that the Oakridge Monster is a boring worker that moves around the ring like a turtle or the fact his gimmick just plain sucks. He has the uncanny ability to kill interest in any match he’s involved in. I hope there’s some truth to the rumors he’s going to be repackaged.

- Cosmic Ray takes on Busta Cap in the second of three qualifying matches for the Beta Max title triple threat match at Three’s A Crowd. Busta Capp seems to have everything under control reversing three Enterprise Elbows and delivering an awesome pair of drive by dropkicks but misses a critical elbow drop off the top turnbuckle. Cosmic Ray comes back with Georgia on your spine and a one handed Spock lock for the win.
Winner Cosmic Ray via one handed Spock lock in **1/2
Busta Capp seems to be having a string of bad luck lately with three
straight losses. I was glad to see Cosmic Ray win this one but It was unexpected. Big win for Ray tough loss for Busta Capp

- W3 Superstar GM Dicky Cravatte and Shiitake Jr. step in the ring to face Sheik Yerbouti and his mystery tag team partner. The song Age Of Aquarius hits and out comes The Fighting Mad Hippie !. Last month Dicky Cravatte had the Fighting Mad Hippie banned from the arena and subsequently attacked him outside the arena with the help of the knuckleheads. Cravatte thought he had seen the last of the Fighting Mad Hippie and is furious.The match starts out as a four man brawl and when the dust settles Fighting Mad Hippie and Shiitake Jr. are left to officially start things off. The Fighting Mad Hippie takes it to the street against the magic mushroom with a hippie hippie shake and multiple flowerbombs. Shiitake Jr. manages to trap The Fighting Mad Hippie in the corner where him and partner Dicky Cravatte work the double team to perfection.
Dicky Cravatte comes in to face a beaten up Fighting Mad Hippie and pounds him with mincing suplexes and European uppercuts. The Fighting Mad Hippie gets the upper hand with a leg sweep and buys enough time to make the tag following a bong water spit. Sheik Yerbouti comes in after the tag and takes down Cravatte with a magic carpet ride and disco ball drop for the win. Shiitake Jr. tried to run in to break up the pin but was chop blocked by The Fighting Mad Hippie.
Winners Fighting Mad Hippie and Sheik Yerbouti via Disco Ball Drop in 8:12 **1/2
While this match didn’t really live up to my exceptions it wasn’t terrible. If nothing else it was a way for the W3 to bring The Fighting Mad Hippie back to the active roster


Quick Results
Eager Beaver and Fifi 9 (Team Cookiepuss) def Haiku Sayanora and Gumslinger ( Team Haiku) **
Oak Ridge Monster def Thundermug by DQ *
Cosmic Ray def Busta Capp (Beta Max Qualifying Match) **½
Fighting Mad Hippie and Sheik Yerbouti def Shiitake Jr. and Dicky Cravatee ***
Frankenpuss def OOG ***

[WTIC]

Beav & Fifi are pretty good! Capp needs more training! OOG is a fave, too bad the win couldn't be had there!

[todd]

W3 SUPERSTARS

Phineas Phatback stands in the ring and announces some last minute changes to the upcoming pay per view Three‘s A Crowd. The ladies title match between Thunderball, Artemis Jubblies, and Champion Mona Mammeries originally planned as triple threat match is now a three way dance. The 2/3 falls Ultimate Title match between Flex Manley and Frankenpuss has an added stipulation making it an federation exile match with the losing wrestler exiled from the W3 for a period of 60 days. I can understand Phineas Phatback wanting to build up excitement and increase the pay per buys but taking of the top two W3 superstars out of the picture for an extended period of time seems really silly to me.


- Johnny Satan and ALX put on a great main event match with Satan drawing the disqualification on account of interference on the part of Suzy Succubus. Gramma Granny and Buddy Hotpants come to the rescue of ALX during a post match brawl which leads us to the final match for Three’s A Crowd. The Devil’s Triangle ( Johnny Satan, Suzy Succubus, and Lil Torquemada) vs. The Legends (ALX, Buddy Hotpants, and Gramma Granny)

OTHER STUFF

-The Hell’s Mongol Sturgis Khan makes his W3 debut by burying Amish Robot. After pounding The Mechanical Mennonite with Mongolian Chops and boot stomps Khan gives Amish Robot a beating outside the ring and finishes the job with THE PILLAGER (Garvin Stomp)
Winner - Sturgis Khan via THE PILLAGER in 4:30 *
This match may have lasted over four minutes but it was essentially over after two. Sturgis Khan seems like the type who doesn’t care as much about winning as he does about beating people up

- The last Diva challenge match before Three’s A Crowd is
Rhinestone Cowgirl & Wild Thang (Team Sayanora) vs. Kween Squaitifah Cookiepuss & Beulah Gorillacutty (Team Cookiepuss). Wild Thang and Cookiepuss start things off with Wild Thang controlling the action and getting one near fall with a double DDT. Rhinestone Cowgirl gets tagged in a short time later and wraps up things quickly with UDDER DEVASTATION
Winners Rhinestone Cowgirl and Wild Thang (Team Sayanora) **

Diva Challenge Standings
Team Sayonara - 2
Team Cookiepuss - 1

The Diva challenge is still anyone’s game. Both teams are equal in tag team matches 1-1 with one double disqualification. Rhinestone Cowgirl looks like the most dominant of the eight so far and could be the deciding factor in the Diva Challenge.

- Thundermug and Johnny Gizmo face off in the third and final qualifying match for the beta max triple threat match. This match is the best one of the three by far with non stop back and forth action from start to finish. Thundermug comes out on top at with a Viking spike followed by a brutal belly buster at the 8 minute mark and advances to face Mini Moto and Cosmic Ray for the Beta Max Championship at Three’s A Crowd
Winner Thundermug via belly buster in 18:00 ***1/2
These are two of the best workers in the W3 and either one of them would have been great to see in the triple threat match. I expect to see these wo going at it again soon

Quick Results
Sturgis Khan def Amish Robot*
Wild Thang and Rhinestone Cowgirl def Cookiepuss and Beulah Gorillacutty ** (Diva Challenge)
Thundermug def Johnny Gizmo (Beta Max Qualifying Match)
ALX def Johnny Satan by disqualification ***

W3 Presents
THREE’S A CROWD

Diva Challenge Elimination Tag Team Match
Team Cookiepuss
Kween Squatifah CookiePuss, Fifi Cheveaux Aissle, and Beulah Gorillacutty
VS
Team Sayanora
Haiku Sayanora, Wild Thang, Gumslinger

Triple Threat Match For Beta Max Title
Mini Moto vs. Cosmic Ray vs. Johnny Gizmo

3 Way Dance For W3 Ladies Title
Thunderball vs. Artemis Jubblies vs. Mona Mammeries

3 vs. 3 Mixed Tag Team Match
The Legends (ALX, Buddy Hotpants and Granny) vs. Devil’s Triangle
( Johnny Satan, Suzy Succubus, And Lil Torquemada)

2/3 falls Ultimate Title Exile Match
Frankenpuss W/ Doctor Mutato vs. Flex Manley

[todd]

W3 Presents
THREE'S A CROWD
Sponsored by Roided Up Savage T Energy Bars

Dark Matches

Tortalis The Tournament Tortoise def Mar Far Jinx with a FLYING SHELL SENTON
Inbred Red The Hillbilly Hammer defeated The Oak Ridge Monster with a BIG BAHR HUG

Diva Challenge Elimination Tag Team Match
Team Cookiepuss
Kween Squatifah CookiePuss, Fifi Cheveaux Aissle, and Beulah Gorillacutty
VS
Team Sayanora
Haiku Sayanora, Wild Thang, Gumslinger

Team Captain Haiku Sayanora and Beulah Gorillacutty kick off the action. Haiku Sayanora looks like she’s on her game reversing a leg drop and dodging a running shoulder block. Gorillacutty delivers a Gorilla cutter out of nowhere and follows up quickly with a second rope dropkick and cover but only gets a one and a half count. Following the pin attempt the action spills outside the ring where Beulah Gorillacutty is disqualified for whipping Sayanora into the ring post. Gumslinger comes in for Sayanora and Fifi replaces the eliminated Gorillacutty. Gumslinger unloads with a series of high flying and exciting moves while Fifi does her best to defend herself and avoid elimination. Gumslinger makes the tag to Wild Thang who instead of finishing off Fifi ends up submitting to a FLEUR-DE-L’AISSELLE ( armpit to the face)

The two team captains ( Cookiepuss and Haiku Sayanora) square off next.
Haiku gets two quick pin attempts with a karate chops and a spinning heel kick but cant get the job done . Cookiepuss lands a low blow and follows up with a COOKIE DUSTER ( sever spread with a leg drop) for the elimination. Gumslinger faces a two on one disadvantage but evens the odds by taking out Fifi with an LA cloverleaf. Kween Squatifah Cookiepuss and Gumslinger put on a good finale to this match with lots of action and several pin attempts. The end coming when Gumslinger misses with her BUBBLE GUM POP finisher leaving the entire front row covered in the sticky substance and Cookiepuss landing surprise groin kick and DDT for the win.

Winners Team Cookiepuss via groin kick and DDT in 11:42 **1/2

Triple Threat Match For Beta Max Title
Mini Moto vs. Cosmic Ray vs. Johnny Gizmo

Cosmic Ray wrenches Mini Moto in a headlock and goes for a fist drop but Moto rolls out of the way… Moto counters with a thrust kick to the chest… Thundermug nails Moto with a Viking spike and clobbers him down with a Mugshot… Thundermug makes the cover..1..2.. Moto kicks out. Thundermug throws Cosmic Ray to the ropes...Cosmic Ray rebounds with a sleeper hold on Thundermug…Cosmic Ray takes the Beta Max Championship !

Winner Cosmic Ray with HIT THE ROPES JACK in 2:44 **

3 Way Dance For W3 Ladies Title
Thunderball vs. Artemis Jubblies vs Mona Mammeries

Thunderball reverses a rollover neck snap from Mona Mammeries with an overhead slam…knee strikes…reversal…Mona sends Thunderball reeling with a very high kick…sitdown power bomb and cover by Mona Mammeries…1...2...Artemis Jubblies makes the save…Jubblies hits Mona with choke lift and slam…Thunderball follows up with a decapitator on Mona…Artemis tosses Mona from the ring and side walk slams Thunderball…1...2...3...Thunderball is out…Mona throws Jubblies to the turnbuckle…reversal…running forearm smash to Mona…Military press slam and a cover by Jubblies…1...2...Mona kicks out…vertical suplex by Jubblies…reversal by Mona….over the shoulder boulder hold…Mona covers…1...2...Jubblies kicks out…fireman carry face drop by Mona…reversal by Jubblies….Mona goes down with corner punches….OLYMPIA FULL NELSON…Mona taps…The Goddess Of Wrestling is the new W3 Ladies Champion !

Winner Artemis Jubblies via Olympia Full Nelson in 14:02 ***1/2

3 vs. 3 Mixed Tag Team Match
The Legends (ALX, Buddy Hotpants and Granny) vs. Devil’s Triangle
( Johnny Satan, Suzy Succubus, And Lil Torquemada)

The match starts off with Torquemada taking quite a beating at the hands of the legend Abraham Lincoln X. ALX delivers an incredible Lincoln log splitter before tagging in Buddy Hotpants who continues to pound on Torquemada. Hotpants tosses Torquemada over the top rope and leaves the ring in hot pursuit but gets jumped from behind by Torquemada’s tag team partners Johnny Satan and Suzy Succubus. ALX and Gamma Granny come to the rescue and we see a big brawl outside of the ring area. When the dust settles Johnny Satan ( although not the legal man) is punishing Hotpants inside the ring with a tree woe of choke. Despite being forced to break the hold Satan continues to dominate his opponent with brimstone bashes and a vile driver. Hotpants reaches out and makes a blind tag to Gramma Granny. Granny rubs her hands together and points at Satan. Satan smiles and motions for Granny to step inside the ring. Referee Millie Swimsuit orders Johnny Satan out of the ring and Suzy Succubus steps in as his replacement. Succubus goes after Granny full force getting four pin attempts with an impaler DDT, double leg drop and 2 Succubusters. Granny makes the hot tag to ALX who comes in to face Johnny Satan and wraps things up with EMANCIPATION DEVASTATION.

Winners ALX, Buddy Hotpants, and Gamma Granny def via EMANCIPATION DEVASTATION in 15:29 ***

2/3 Falls Exile Match For The Ultimate Title
Frankenpuss W/ Doctor Mutato vs. Flex Manley W/ Mona Mammeries

The match kicks off with some back and forth action. After shrugging off a big meaty fist Frankenpuss gets the first pin attempt of the match with a gorilla press backbreaker But Manley kicks out at the count of one. Frankenpuss works over Manley outside the ring on and off for the next few minutes and then applies a trapped arms bear hug which Manley manages to power out of. Manley comes back to win fall number one with a flying forearm followed by FLEX APPEAL.
After a few minutes rest time the match gets under way again. Frankenpuss gets fall number two pretty quickly after wearing down W3 Champion Flex Manley with a variety of moves including atomic whips, corner shoulder blocks, and axe handle drops.
The anticipation builds for the last portion of the match with Manley and Frankenpuss tied at one fall piece. Manley seems reenergized as he nearly takes off the head of the Kitty Cat Golem with a big biceps clothesline and follows up with a Flex Plex. The end seems near when Manley locks Frankenpuss in his version of the trapped arms bear hug called THE MAN HUG. Frankenpuss head butts and powers his way out of the hold. Frankenpuss comes back with a giant swing and on cue from manager Doctor Mutato throws Manley to the ropes. As Manley hits the ropes Doctor Mutato attempts to toss some chemicals in Manley’s face but misses and hits referee Jack Schlappe instead. Narrowly avoiding the chemical burn Manley comes off the ropes with a big clothesline and a cover but Schlappe is incapacitated. Frankenpuss gets the upper hand by body stomping Manley from behind as he’s checking on the ref and goes on to get the three count from new referee Millie Swimsuit following a pump handle over the shoulder bomb

Winner Frankenpuss via pump handle over the shoulder power bomb in 17:50 ***

Quick Results
Kween Squatifah CookiePuss, Fifi Cheveaux Aissle, and Beulah Gorillacutty def Haiku Sayanora, Wild Thang, and Gumslinger **1/2
Cosmic Ray def Thundermug and Mini Moto **
Artemis Jubblies def Mona Mammeries and Thunderball ***1/2
ALX, Buddy Hotpants, and Gramma Granny def Johnny Satan, Suzy Succubus, and Lil Torquemada ***
Frankenpuss def Flex Manley ***

[todd]

W3 REPORT

Starting off with a review of the this month’s pay per view Three’s A Crowd.

We saw three new faces in the 2 opening dark matches Tortalis The Tournament Tortoise, The Hillbilly Hammer Inbred Red , and Mar Far Jinx. All three looked decent and I think we’ll be more of them soon enough. The Diva Challenge elimination match was pretty average nothing special. I wasn’t surprised to see Team Cookiepuss win because it keeps things close and prevents Team Sayanora from running away in the points standings. The match I was looking forward to the least The Beta Max Triple threat was up next. I didn’t think the three qualifiers (Mini Moto, Thundermug, and Cosmic Ray) matched up well against each other at all and the time of 2:44 seemed too short for a pay per view match. I like Cosmic Ray and it was cool to see him win the Beta Max Championship but I think the W3 is pushing him too hard too quickly. The W3 would have been better off putting the belt on Thundermug in my opinion.
The Triple Threat match for the W3 ladies title was the best match of the show by far. This one had constant action and kept everyone on the edge of their seats right up until the end. I feel that the W3 has big plans for the new Champion Artemis Jubblies and expect to see her hold on to the belt for long time. I enjoyed The Devil’s Triangle vs. The Legends match but with ALX done for a while and Buddy Hotpants heading back to the announce table it was a once and done thing and doesn’t have any real potential for a continuing storyline.
The main event match between Frankenpuss and Flex Manley for the ultimate title was really good also. I have to question the logic behind the exile stipulation though. With Manley out of the picture I’m wondering who the W3 plans on designating as the new number one contender. Johnny Satan and MITB winner OOG are the best possibilities unless The W3 plans on giving someone else a major push. The next two months are going to interesting to say the least. Overall I liked this pay per view and felt it was improvement over last month’s I’d give it an rating of 8 out of 10.

Other News - Following the PPV ALX announced he’s taking some time to devote to a public speaking and book signing tour. During a recent interview Gamma Granny stated she believes she has at least more good run left in her and plans on hanging around for a while. She also made some noise about reforming the League Squad. If you’re wondering where the hell Monkey Chan has been you’re not alone. The Master Of Chimp Fu seems to have just vanished. If Eep Eep had something to do it with it as I expect he did he’s not admitting to any wrong doing.
Sheik Yerbouti allegedly spotted Smoothupinya and Team Cookiepuss at one of his night clubs celebrating their victory at Three‘s A Crowd. This has led some questions of whether or not Smoothupinya is showing favoritism toward Cookiepuss and her team and whether or not he should replaced as the host of the Diva Challenge . Smoothupinya stated simply that Sheik Yerbouti should just mind his own business unless he wants to get bitch slapped.
During a recent W3 board meeting a few names of possible upcoming pay per views were discussed. Beat The Clock, Behind Bars, Get In The Ring Mother***, and my believe it or not Bash On The Beach which according to sources is already in the works.


Top Selling Items This Month In The Online Store
1. Flex Manley Stretch Armstrong
2. Amish DVD My Legendary Journey From Rumspringa To The W3
3. John L Skeleton Operation Board Game
4. Doctor Mutato’s Make Your Shrunken Head Kit (ages 12 and up)
5. The Legend Of Oompapa Mao Mao In Search Of The Oak Ride Monster DVD

Coming this Month
W3 Rumble and Brain Freeze 2 pack DVD
Limited Edition Gamma Granny Foam Finger ( available at live events only)

[todd]

W3 SUPERSTARS

The show starts off as a typical post pay per view cluster fuck with tons of wrestlers coming down to the ring laying claim to the number one contender spot. This all superseded with OOG announcing he’s cashing in his MITB contract at the upcoming pay per view Barely Legal. This settles the question of who will be filling the shoes of the exiled Flex Manley and is also a good way for the W3 to burn off the first ten minutes of tonight’s show.

OTHER STUFF

Starting off the action tonight we see a repackaged Oak Ridge Monster come down to the ring half naked carrying a trident and being introduced as King Neptune (Dicky Cravatte’s idea). All I have to say is that I’ve seen some dumb shit around here but this one really takes the cake, even his opponent Severe Wu Ping cant help get a laugh out of it. Neptune wins with something Undercover Alien calls a Kraken Buster which is you guessed it just another name for his Bobby Sue Buster.
Winner King Neptune (Oak Ridge Monster) via Kraken Buster DUD

- Undercover Alien fills in for the absent Diva challenge host Smoothupinya and introduces Eager Beaver (Team Cookiepuss) and Gumslinger (Team Sayanora). Eager Beaver redeems herself for her earlier loss in the Diva challenge by defeating the hands down favorite Gumslinger with BEAVER CLEAVER.
Winner Eager Beaver via BEAVER CLEAVER in 7:33**
My initial impression of Eager Beaver wasn’t very good. I was convinced she only made it the W3 because of her uncle Chief Jay Woodpecker but it looks like I could be mistaken

Diva Challenge Standings
Team Cookiepuss- 5
Team Sayonara - 2

- Next up The Magic Mushroom Shiitake Jr. takes on The Pug Buster Pillchard. Shiitake executes a few moves like Japanese arm drags and roundhouse kicks but nothing all that impressive. Pillchard on the other hand looks pretty sharp with moves like pug butt and pupperoni press. Pillchard finishes the job with perfectly timed and well executed running spear.
Winner Pillchard via Running Spear in 6:33 **
From what I’ve seen of Pillchard so far he seems like a solid wrestler who can win a match in a variety of different ways and I like that.

- Sheik Yerbouti puts on a great match and gets his first singles win in the W3 beating the Hell’s Mongol Sturgis Khan with a DISCO BALL DROP. Khan doesn’t appreciate the Sheik's post match celebration too much and attacks him from behind whipping him senseless with a biker chain.
Winner Sheik Yerbouti via Disco Ball Drop in 4:10 **1/2

- The main event of tonight’s show is a really good one between the Little Inquisitor Torquemada W/ Suzy Succubus vs. Cosmic Ray for the Beta Max Championship. Ray kicks out of a heart punch and reverses Torquemada’s Conversion Lock finisher twice before delivering HIT THE ROPES JACK ( rebound sleeper off the ropes) for the win
Winner Cosmic Ray via HIT THE ROPES JACK in 6:24 ***

Quick Results
King Neptune(Oak Ridge Monster) def Severe Wu Ping DUD
Eager Beaver def Gumslinger (Diva Challenge Match)**
Pillchard def Shiitake Jr. **
Sheik Yerbouti def Sturgis Khan**1/2
Cosmic Ray def Lil Torquemada ***

[todd]

W3 SUPERSTARS

Johnny Satan comes out at the top of the show challenging Gamma Granny to a main event no disqualification match. Granny has been a thorn in his side for decades and the loss at Three’s A Crowd was apparently the final straw for the lord of the flies. True to his character Satan picked a special day to get of the grizzled old boot once and for all MOTHER’S DAY !
Granny doesn’t let anyone down defeating Satan with a ONE FINGER PIN after taking some wild chair shots outside the ring.

OTHER STUFF

- Tonight’s opening match is a Diva Challenge match between Haiku Sayonara (Team Sayanora) and Beulah Gorillacutty (Team Cookiepuss). This is a good contest of power vs. agility with Sayanora getting a much needed win for her team with a triple jump moonsault
Winner Haiku Sayanora via Triple Jump Moonsault in 6:45**1/2
Looks like I spoke too soon after the match Diva challenge host Smoothupinya somehow overrules referee Blind Pew’s decision and awards the match via dusty finish to Beulah Gorillacutty.
Winner Beulah Gorillacutty via Dusty Finish in 6:45 ***

Diva Challenge Standings
Team Cookie puss - 6
Team Sayonara - 2

- With 10 being the magic number to win the Diva Challenge Team Cookiepuss thanks in part to Smoothupinya is starting to pull pretty far ahead and I’m not sure if they can catch up. I’m not sure who gave Smoothyupinya the authority to make rulings like this on matches but it sure seems there is definitely some favoritism going on here

- A loud stomping noise echoes throughout the arena followed by a message on the giant video screen saying coming soon to the W3. I’m not sure what this is about but I’ve heard some rumors that Phineas Phatback put out some serious money to sign a new superstar

- We get started again with a Mini Moto taking on Busta Capp. Moto does a number on Busta Capp with nerve holds and thrust kicks but Busta turns things around winning the match with a drive by dropkick off the top rope.
Winner Busta Capp via Driveby Dropkick in **1/2
Decent match over all it with a good finish. It was good to see the W3 decided to have Busta Capp break the losing streak. Maybe finally we’ll see The Ghetto Blasta get a way overdue title push. A ninja square off against a gang banger was a pretty cool idea

- In his first appearance since having his Octopus Hold broken by Gamma Granny Octopus Johnson defeats the Fighting Mad Hippie with a tentacle sleeper.
Winner Octopus Johnson in via Octopus Hold in 7:11 **

Quick Results
Beulah Goriilcutty def Haiku Sayonara **1/2
Busta Capp def Mini Moto via Driveby Dropkick **1/2
Octopus Johnson def Fighting Mad Hippie **
Gamma Granny def Johnny Satan ***1/2

[Kelly Monro]

Gamma Granny defeating Satan is one for the books! And I swear Werner is clearly demented by creating these wonderful characters!